I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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