i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
