If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
