i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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