Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
