i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
