Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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