ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
