where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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