Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
