she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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