walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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