he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
