a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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