She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
