so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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