Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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