You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
