His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
