My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you had me at cake vodka
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
