I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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