Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
