It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
