I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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