I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
