it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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