My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
