ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
