my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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