White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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