what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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