omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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