His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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