and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
