All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize