you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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