I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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