I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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