Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
