dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The best revenge is premature balding
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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