I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
