I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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