Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
