The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
