Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
