remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
