My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
