well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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