Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
