As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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