My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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