I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
