where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
