dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
