He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
too bad you live with your parents still
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Alive.
So much puke
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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