Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i love accidental penises.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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