Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
