her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
