she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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