loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.