"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo