You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book