oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize