I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
