I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You made out with two different species that night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
