I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
