thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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