Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
