god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't deserve a penis
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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