Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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