I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
