these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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