Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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