Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
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I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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