Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
