you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
