sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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