hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
