There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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