i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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