I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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