Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
