I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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