We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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